January 1st. Amber and I were walking out of a movie theatre in Plano, Texas. We had seen The Imitation Game at another movie theatre, and had mistakenly came to the wrong theatre for the second film of the day. Unfortunately, the timing was supposed to be perfect for the second film, so we missed it. But as we walked, I educated her on why these award nominated films didn’t make it to our local theatre, and by local, I mean 30 minutes away. There are just not enough people in the area with that taste in film. I learned in 2006, the first year I tried to follow the actual nominees beyond the magazine articles and awards ceremonies, that you have to acquire a taste for those films. They’re fantastic works of art, but you have to have an understanding of those films. And for that, I told her, I was an anomaly. “In Durant? Oh yes, definitely,” she agreed.
Most everything about my life seems to pin me on the nose as an anomaly. I live in a small town in Oklahoma with possibly 20,000 people. As per my previous post, I’m happily single. There isn’t a movie theatre here (though one is being built). There have been no major motion pictures filmed here, and only a few television shows, with a few pop culture shout-outs here and there, most notably Sandra Bullock in All About Steve making reference to our giant peanut. But I am here. I believe that I’ve mentioned that I’ve tried to leave, tried to go to a place where my anomaly would be less noticed, but God always cautioned me to stay. At first, I was kind of aggravated, to be honest. The scripture says to “delight yourself in The Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” The context of that matter is that as you seek God, His desires become your desires, and as I continued to seek Him, now I have an appreciation for why He’s kept me here.
Yesterday, I was snowed in at my house when the realtor came to show the duplexes to a potential buyer, of whom I knew. As we walked through my small 600 sq. feet apartment, he asked if I was staying here forever. “Well, as you know I’m on a Spiritual journey.” “Well, we’re all on one of those–that’s a 1 to 99 plan.” This is a man who makes me laugh with his humor. “I’m here for the next couple of years at least. That’s what He’s shown me so far. It’s all about taking the step of faith to do what He’s shown you, without [seeing how it will all work out in the end.]”
Years ago, when He first called me, I thought I was ready. Give me a studio! Give me a platform! Let’s go! I would be remised here not to mention that at some point, still stepping out in faith, and explaining to a community of people you grew up with that this was what God was calling you to do, that pride didn’t sometimes perk up. I thought since God was calling me that I was ready to take on the world. But faith is a journey, not a destination. I’ve mentioned how my desires to attend SMU were deterred, leaving me with only a few options, of which I stayed put. Along those lines, God was also guiding me spiritually, to another church, one which I never thought I’d see myself in (not for any particular reason–just didn’t know much about it). There has been tremendous growth Spiritually. I’m much deeper in knowledge now than I ever dreamed or pondered back in 2008. Now things are different.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell you that the state and attitudes of our culture and country have changed since 2008, much of it for the worst. As a result of my experiences since then, combined with my knowledge of scripture, I have gained wisdom. And with wisdom and understanding came boldness. As I pursued wisdom, there was clarity. I spend a minimum of an hour a day reading articles posted to the various social networks I am a part of. Articles mostly relevant to the entertainment industry, but can also reach to politics, faith, news, science, and other realms of study. I ask myself about spiritual matters, answering and walking through the answers in my mind, as if I was asked on a major talk show to explain my faith. A vision that I don’t see as too far in the future. All of this knowledge comes to bear. I observe how certain celebrities answer questions in interviews (Meryl doesn’t speak out negatively against people; she’s super positive). Wisdom is the proper application of knowledge.
Today, the train is still in motion and the destination is closer than it was yesterday, and miles closer than 2008. And today, I can see the bigger picture. But I can also see the smaller picture. I still can’t see all of it, but I can see just enough to know it’s coming together. The mist is clearing. It wasn’t a wash. It wasn’t going to a dead end. It is everything God has spoken to me, and like the coming attractions at the movie theatre, it is coming soon! I can see small details working together for the bigger picture. I have an idea for why these film projects have not gotten off the ground. I understand that this knowledge is for a purpose, and that I will stand before great men, and be heard by people around the globe, a global spokesperson for Jesus Christ, and I have to be prepared to give an answer for the hope that lies within me. Those Disney channel stars don’t keep solid careers after their shows quit running. They usually fall apart (unfortunately), unprepared for what the industry holds. Damien Chazelle, writer and director of the Academy Award-winning film, Whiplash, said that J.K. Simmons character, Fletcher, was based on numerous Hollywood people he has worked with. It’s a cut-throat industry, an industry I wasn’t ready for in 2008. It’s an industry that I will not be ready for, until I’m thrown in the middle, and then it starts.
Driving down a side road off the Dallas North Tollway in Plano in mid-December, going to the same movie theatre, this time to see Wild, again with Amber. “I used to think these awards movies were dry and pretentious, but since I’ve started hanging out with you, my tastes in movies have changed.” She’s not the first to say this. Anna has said the same. And like Cheryl Strayed in the movie, I too could have quit any time. This anomaly in a small town that drools over great opera, theatre, and without a doubt, film, might just have been on the right path the whole time. And ten years from now, I’m still going to be an anomaly. A devout believer working in a tough Darwinian industry, but I’ll be ready for the industry when it comes. But you know what? I like it that way. I inspire people better as an anomaly. I make them laugh harder as an anomaly. And I help them believe better as an anomaly. And I need them as much as they need me. Sweet Dreams.
Tyler Slawson 