Tags
Calling, Day Job, despair, Endurance, Faith, Film, inspiration, perseverance, Pressing ahead, The Devil Wears Prada
Photo taken from here.*
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” –Romans 8:28 NLT
While it may sound like the title of a movie, it isn’t. I actually have a day job. When people ask I’m fairly honest if it comes up that it is temporary. I got my day job in January of this year doing something fairly different from filmmaking. It’s not exciting. In fact, I find it fairly uninteresting. But that’s where God has me for now. When I took the job, I was on an understanding with my supervisor at the time that I was producing a feature-length film that would consume a lot of my time during the coming months. And all was good. But weeks in, the job was not made for an easy transition. Working for a tireless and awful boss with little patience and taking on a job in a field I had little formal education in, and in an industry I didn’t know, I was struggling. I really hated my job. But I couldn’t leave. God has me here for a reason and it was a job that would pay the bills. There was a reason that my colleagues and I routinely made jokes about The Devil Wears Prada. But the job was temporary. After my film took off, I would leave it behind and all would be right with the world. And then the film was put in limbo and I was still there.
Many of you will recall the emotion seeping through your computer screens several months ago when I mourned the demise of ‘Fear.’ It was an emotional roller coaster to say the least. In my first time to tell this publicly, I will say that it was worse that anyone might have known. There are people out there who will tell you or infer that you won’t make it. In a previous entry, I described them as the people who are waiting for me to wake up and realize the coffee is burning. I took the supposed failure of ‘Fear’ hard because I was about to break through. I was about to show all of those dissenters that they were wrong. God had and continues to lead me every step of the way and those people were about to see God in a new way. My community was behind me, from the Mayor to the local business owners. They did expect me to succeed. But when it all came crashing down, I couldn’t take it. The dissenters, of course, thought they were right and the supporters were disheartened. And then there was the day job. I left my job of almost five years in January in need of a job with benefits and more pay, even when it seems I settled for the former. I’m blessed in so many ways financially, but my finances aren’t better than when I was in college. I’m believing for a raise from God when he exalts me in due time. But this small issue was hope deferred. And when all of these issues collided, I wept. I lost hope. Three specific times, I wept until I fell asleep. I felt as if I mis-heard and went amiss. I didn’t show the dissenters my win. I didn’t break through. I felt as if I had failed and if I had missed it, how far?
All through the while, God was aligning specific events from the ACTS Showcase to the deadCENTER Film Festival to the 48-Hour Film Project in which I was building new relationships that would send me to the next step and the next step. And this weekend, I worked on my first paid gig as a production assistant (“PA”). Beyond that, I was promoted up the line to that position after others quit at the last minute. And once more in a temporary position when the 1st Assistant Director had to fulfill a prior commitment. They picked me to fill in. And when the 1st AD came back, we were three hours ahead of schedule, and almost finished. When I arrived to set on Sunday, I was referenced as the ‘SuperPA.’ It was said that the producers had found a better PA than their typical go-to PA. And when I sat down that night to receive my check, I was encouraged to know that the producers were serious. They wanted to use me more. They said that I was ‘a joy’ to work with. And after the meeting to call a wrap, every person on set told me I had done a great job and that they hoped to work with me again. So even when I feel like my world is caving in, as I sit at my day job feeling unfulfilled, I know that God hasn’t forsaken me and that I didn’t miss God. God didn’t will for the film to fall through. But He was taking care of me through it all. And as I sit at my day job today, I’m fulfilled because I know that I have my place. I won’t give up. He goes before me in all things. Sweet Dreams.
*The websites in which these photos are found are not necessarily an endorsement from me, but mostly those photos found during a routine image search. I do not own these images.